Tag Archives: a guest in Colombia

So what don’t you like about Colombia?

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This question comes from a recent email by one of our loyal readers.. (It may have been sarcastic, but I’ll answer it honestly and candidly.)

So,  what don’t you like about Colombia?

Fair enough, but let me preface the discussion by saying that EVERY SINGLE THING that I mention below also exists in the United States.  So I won’t pretend that my country is some kind of gender utopia.  It’s not – In fact, the “war on women” has been waged between political parties and in headlines of newspapers all over the United States.  My home state of Virginia, along with Texas has been some of the worst offenders on this front..

Still… Due to the overwhelming machismo here – the things that bother me the most in Colombia  somehow manage to be extremely pervasive, sometimes subtle yet face-slappingly* shocking at the same time.

1. You are never more than your looks.  Sure, everyone knows that unfortunately, attractiveness, particularly female attractiveness is the unspoken prerequisite for career success in the United States.  But it tends to remain unspoken, highly illegal and in the background for most of us.

It is one of the biggest ways that males here (Colombia) are able to maintain authority and superiority and subjugate women.  Too many people buy** into it – so even women who hate it are forced to conform to survive (professionally, financially).

It’s different here – and it’s probably the main reason I haven’t chosen to call Colombia my long term home.  It’s never in the background here, and it never fades away.  It doesn’t matter whether you’ve known someone here for five minutes or five years – you are still being judged by your looks.  It doesn’t matter what your background is, your skillset or your intelligence.

Men (who are the majority rule here) won’t even hear what comes out of your mouth if you don’t meet the “minimal attractiveness” levels.  It’s almost like a physical disability – as if they literally can’t hear you.

a PhD in physics? Sorry, sweetie - I can't hear you.. Maybe after you get some breast implants..

a PhD in physics? Sorry, sweetie – I can’t hear you.. Maybe after you get some breast implants..

Not only that – but in general, Men here judge harshly.  If you aren’t a supermodel, with large (or enhanced) curves – then you are lacking.  Not only that – but they will be certain to inform you that you are lacking (using during your initial introduction, and probably every single subsequent meeting thereafter.)

(Obviously – this doesn’t apply to ever single male in Colombia, but it’s still quite prevalent even among the better educated upper classes).

Even if you are beautiful – your time for professional and career success is limited.  Maybe you have some cellulite, or your breasts aren’t perky enough – or you’ve had the gall to age.

So as you can image, as a chubby, woman over 30, who has never, ever been “mistaken” for a model even on my very best days as a young ingénue, this constant spoken criticism is extremely disheartening.  Not only that – but it makes it extremely hard to get any work done.

2. Don’t ever attempt to discuss any of this with male Colombians.   While women here talk about these issues often and express their feelings towards these attitudes of male machismo, don’t bother trying to address these issues with male Colombians.  (Sure, there is always the odd exception – usually a more cosmopolitan man who has lived outside South America at some point, but it’s not common.)  As I said before, ‘selective deafness’ comes into play.  Not only that – even when having a so-called polite conversation (on American customs, polite behaviors etc.) attempting to explain (to people planning to visit the USA) that these behaviors may be perceived negatively in the United States, will be dismissed.  Very often this will also result in comments such as “you are just jealous of the beauty of Colombian women.”  This comment was made in response to a discussion about the fact that calling an American woman ‘gordita’ (chubby/ fat) or ‘vieja’ (old) may impede abilities to make friends and have serious repercussions, particularly if it occurs in the workplace.

It will also get you labeled as a lesbian.

an aging lesbian speaks out

an aging ‘lesbian’ speaks out

3. Aggressive homophobia, particularly in the coastal areas of Colombia.  Despite the fact that an estimated 8% of the population identifies as gay, homosexuality remains a big taboo in many parts of Colombia.

While Bogotanos and residents of more cosmopolitan cities like Medellin and Cali tend to express more tolerant / accepting attitudes regarding an individual’s sexuality – this is not the case in places like Cartagena.  (Costenos have a reputation for being less than sophisticated.  There is even a Colombian version of the “Beverly Hill-Billies” which features several Costenos living in Bogota). Homophobic slurs are extremely common in every day speech.

Like their American ‘redneck’ stereotype counterparts – many Costenos are bigoted, biased and intolerant of others.  This includes the darker-skinned Costeno residents, and gay people.  While I try to keep my mouth shut for the most part, (even though it pains me) when I hear the blatant racism / homophobia – on the one occasion when I objected to hearing the repeated use of an extremely ugly Spanish pejorative for gay people  (akin to the American slur of “faggot”), I was literally shouted down for my audacity in attempting to censor his “bible given” right to spew hate.

Even the sly suggestion that a particular apartment is in a “gay neighborhood” is enough to prompt something akin to panic, and further discussions on moving/ selling said apartment.

Of course, this sort of bigotry happens in the USA – and everyone knows that.  But I would like to think that a lot has changed in the last ten years in that the majority of Americans are not only tolerant of gay individuals but support their right to equality under the law, the right to pursue personal happiness and to get married and have families. Even the majority of Southerners***.

So now you have a unattractive, middle-age lesbian in Colombia.  Try and imagine how this impedes daily interactions.  Oh, did I mention that I am also considered a slut.

4. Rampant Slut shaming.

So if you have committed any of the faux paxs listed above, don’t be surprised at what comes next, namely Slut Shaming.  Especially if this “puta gringa” has also committed the unforgivable sin of also learning the names of the Building porter or the person who sells you gum (daily) or other members of Cartagena’s “lower class.”  It’s not something as simple as good manners – it’s because you are a slut and are sleeping with all of them.

In a country where married men openly brag about their numerous sexual conquests, ‘amigitas’ and secret families are common, women are still placed within the narrow confines of the “Madonna/ slut” paradigm.  As a married foreigner who often travels solo due to financial concerns, the lack of my husband’s physical presence makes me even more of a target for this labelling.

Women here are supposed to dedicate long hours, and thousands of dollars in pursuit of ‘sexy’; wearing tight, short revealing clothes, tilting around on high heels while attempting to balance outsized breasts with generously rounded bottoms – yet maintain an ‘inner purity’ that prohibits open and frank conversations about gender issues.  The end result of this – is that men are able to strictly control the financial and economic mobility of women in a society that castigates outliers.

So I am fairly certain that my candid response to this question won’t go unpunished.  I probably should have stuck to easy answers.

ie. What don’t you like about Colombia?  Answer: FARC/ paramilitaries.

But then, I don’t have run-ins with paramilitaries on a daily basis..

So what does this mean?

Does it mean that this slutty, unattractive, lesbian gringa should give up any hopes of doing business in Colombia?  AKA “Gringa GO HOME” (as has been suggested on multiple occasions).  Or should I fire up my time machine, emerge as a fresh 20 something, head directly to the nearest plastic surgeon and keep my damned mouth shut?  Should I wear tighter clothes, stilt like heels and hope to blend in?

Maybe it is time for me to go home – and return when I can remember and enjoy the thousands of things I LOVE about Colombia; the cool air of Bogota, the richness of a country with an in the amazing array of natural wonders and geographic splendor, the overwhelming variety of fresh fruits and vegetables, the joy of learning to Salsa, the cultural depth of a country with over 500 years of history, the incredible variety of friendly, and interesting people I meet on any given day (machismo not withstanding).

But don’t worry – nothing can get me down for long – and I will return to the beautiful, wonderful, culturally rich Colombia very soon.

Notes:

* Yes, I made that word up, but that’s how I often feel as I confront these issues every single day here.

** Literally.  It’s one of the reasons plastic surgery is such big business here.

*** Before readers get upset that I am “propagating the American redneck stereotype”, consider this – I say this as a self-proclaimed ‘redneck southerner’ who happens to express a ‘Live and Let live” philosophy towards others. That being said – my experiences in Colombia – are mine, and I don’t attempt to speak for, or represent anyone else’s experiences here.  If anything – I hope your experiences (as a female) in Colombia have been different.

Additional articles on related topics

This study compares eating disordered behavior and plastic surgery rates in the USA and Colombia.

Gender, eating habits and body practices in Medellin, Colombia – article by Ana Maria Ochoa.

Narco-aesthetics: How Colombia’s drug trade constructed female ‘beauty’ – article by Mimi Yagoub

Life in Plastic – it’s fantastic! about the culture of plastic surgery in Latin America (specifically Cali, Colombia) and the link to narco-trafficking.

LA Times article: A Scathing Attack on Culture of Machismo.

Acid attacks show the face of machismo in Colombia

Earning a living is the biggest obstacle for Colombian women.

Colombia: Human Rights Situation of the LGBT Population: Shadow Report Submitted to the United Nations Human Rights Committee (2010).  While laws were passed to protect the human rights of the LGBT community in 2011, the situation remains precarious for the LGBT community particularly in rural areas.

U.S. groups file briefs in Colombia marriage case. (4/14/2014).

Bogota mayor invites residents to come out of the closet.

Women on Waves resources: promoting women’s rights internationally. Provides practical, not philosophical information for women in a multi-lingual site on women’s health & gender issues.

Women on Web: women’s health information – multi-lingal site.

Featured Image courtesy of Sodahead.com

Love in the time of cholera or surgery in the midst of civil unrest..

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“Love in the time of cholera”, is one of Nobel-prize winning Colombian writer  Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s literary masterpieces.   The novel, set in the seaside city of Cartagena, explores concepts regarding the physical and emotional sides of love, as well as aging and illness.  Like all of his novels, the plot is interwoven with rich imagery and sentiment.

However, I am not as high-brow or literary minded as many of my peers.  I struggled through “One Hundred Years of Solitude” and its vast array of characters (if I have to take notes and re-read passages to remind me of the story I’ve just read, it’s not working for me).

So I breezed past Love in the time of cholera, even when it came out as a movie a few years ago..

But then again, it’s just not my taste.  I tend to lose interest for any of the overblown, heavy romantic dramas – I fell asleep during Titanic (best nap ever!) and walked out of “The English Patient.”  Books of this nature, and magical realism in general, tend to hold my interest for 100 pages max, before being put eternally aside for something more to my liking.

Now, “Liposuction in the time of cholera” I would have enjoyed.. “Love in the time of La Violencia” might have even held my interest.

But love in the time of cholera, and similar novels only elicit one emotion from me – and that’s relief – that I don’t live in a time where my own personal happiness is dictated by a dedication to home, family and all things traditional.  That I don’t have to sit at home, unhappy because someone doesn’t love me enough or whatever overwrought heartbreak or tragedy is involved.  Instead – I can be out doing a myriad of things – no matter what my heart thinks. (Incidentally, my heart is just fine – but this kind of shows why I find these novels depressing instead of uplifting or whatever.)

So it is with some frustration – that many people think that to know Colombia – a person must know and embrace the works of Gabriel Garcia Marquez (GGM).

The GGM method to Colombian history & culture

Sometimes learning about a new culture is fun – like trying a new food or seeing a new place.  But sometimes it feels overwhelming – like there is just too much to learn, or that it’s just too complex to understand.  That’s kind of how I feel about Spanish sometimes – every time I learn something new – I think of all the concepts, words and ideas I have yet to learn.  But it doesn’t have to be that way – and it doesn’t have to be some long-winded, winding, overly dramatic somewhat crazy tale like a GGM novel.

I offer up, instead some alternative options to people, like me, who want to know more about Colombia and Colombian life without resorting to the Gabriel Garcia Marquez method.

1.  Firstly,  accept that in many ways, we can’t truly know.  This idea comes from generations of sociologists who struggled with doing exactly this – knowing, defining and understanding cultures different from their own.  From the ‘lived experience,” the “participant-observer” and other modes of observation and study, we know that we can’t truly understand the cultures and experiences of others without being shaded by our own perspectives and biases.

But that’s okay.  I think it keeps us from being too arrogant, or too assured in our knowledge – knowing that whether we travel, study or live in Colombia for weeks, months or years – we will always just be scratching at the surface and seeing the superficial.  It certainly doesn’t mean we should stop trying.

Which is better:  Learning about Colombia or knowing about Colombia?

Trying to know (learning) is in many ways – better than knowing.  Trying to know means asking questions, reading, looking, learning, and traveling around Colombia – trying to know is seeing and thinking about what you are seeing.

2.   Get to know the works of other Colombian authors like these..  Find the genre that does interest or inspire you – even if it’s something as unromantic as modern novels, war history or even a battered third hand copy of a travel guide.  For people at home – Amazon.com may be your best bet – and you will have a greater opportunity to find quality translations of original Colombian works.

3.  Use the internet – like you are now.. It’s crucial for people with remedial Spanish skills (like myself).  While my spoken Spanish improves with use – any sort of literary reading would be way beyond my abilities.  While not everything is available in English – there are a growing number of English translations, websites and blogs devoted to bringing the Colombian experience to you.

4. Look for knowledge in the most obvious of places, like the currency.  After all – if someone was important enough, like La Pola, to warrant being immortalized onto money, it’s a safe assumption that they are an important part of the history of the nation.

5.   Ask! Ask about plaques in public spaces,  ask, ask, ask.  People are very friendly in general – and are happy to explain to visitors who take an active interest.  One of your best resources for local information – whether on sites, history or even current politics – are the taxi cab drivers.  (Taxi cab drivers tend to get a bad rap in Colombia but the vast majority go out of their way to be friendly and helpful.)

6.  Watch Colombian TV – even if you don’t understand all of it.. Watch RCN (It’s the most exciting news program I’ve ever seen – since it has the soundtrack to an action film), and take time to watch some of the ‘home-grown’ Colombian movies and series.  The Pablo series is no longer on – but DVDs of the series are readily available.  Maybe “La Voz” has nothing to offer, but even some of the garden-variety dramas have something to offer about understanding Colombian culture.  Spend enough time, and you can readily identify differences in Colombian television versus much of the Mexican programming (that is offered on Colombian TV).

7.  Finally, to bring us full-circle from “Love in the time of Cholera” to “Surgery in the midst of civil unrest”:  Current Events

While learning about Colombia’s past – don’t forget the present..  Current events matter – particularly when you are “guesting” in a foreign nation.  Learning the hows, why and because of these current events are critical.  For example:

Right now, Colombia is preparing for a series of strikes starting on Monday.  Journalists and political analysts say that the strikes could encompass more than just the mining sector to include up to 15,000 healthcare workers as well as transit personnel and other blue-collar workers – potentially causing massive disruptions in transit and throughout the major cities.

Demonstrators are protesting unfair working conditions, poor pay (or lack of pay altogether, in some cases.)  Students from the Nation’s largest university, National University are also participating to add support to the efforts.

There is even speculation that President Santos’ hardline stance against the demonstrators could prove to be his downfall.

This comes in the aftermath of several ongoing strikes, demonstrations and disruptions in Colombia’s mining and oil industry.  This unrest has caused Colombian coal output to slide by 13%, which has further long-term implications for the Colombian economy, foreign investors and international trade.

Come Monday, we’ll see whether this will go down in the footnotes of Colombian history or remain part of the current political climate.

* I write about surgery – not politics, and don’t have a political bone in my body.  In fact, if I didn’t live with a bunch of journalists, I probably wouldn’t stay as current as I do in Colombian events – I’d be up to my eyebrows in some medical journal and just catching short blurbs from the news.. But living with this group has taught me to pay more attention, and I’ve learned a lot too..